Hi ho, hi ho...it's off to Grandma's we go

It's crazy town around here. What else is new? I hate to do it, but this is going to have to be yet another bullet point post. Maybe I'll make a New Year's resolution to quit posting with bullet points!

• Will had his 4-month doc appointment yesterday. Everything went well, but we need to increase his bottle size a little. He weighed in at 13lbs. 8oz. (25th percentile) and 25" long (again, 25th percentile). We think the nurse shorted his length by at least a half inch, but oh well. Right now he takes about 28oz of formula a day, but we're going to increase that about 30oz and start him on solids at 5 months. He still spits up. All. The. Time. That makes it hard to give him larger bottles, but I want his spitting up to be a little more under control before we start the solids.

• He's still sleeping through the night (8:30pm-8am), but Hubby and I are waiting for the sleep regression. We expect it when he starts to cut his first tooth. Speaking of which, this kid drools like you wouldn't believe. His shirts are constantly wet and everything he can get his chubby little hands on goes in his mouth (yes, even though he doesn't weight a lot he has the cutest chubby hands ever). I can feel a hard spot on his lower left side, but don't see anything yet. We haven't noticed that he's in pain so I'm not too worried about it.

• Last week I started putting him down for naps unswaddled. That was a challenge. He would go down fine, but would wake after about a half hour and not be able to put himself back to sleep. There was a lot of calming, reassuring and crying last week during nap times, but we seem to be a little better this week. I'm sure things will get all off track again while we're at Grandma's, but such is life with a baby.

• Speaking of Grandma's, we're leaving tomorrow to drive to Hubby's parents in Ohio. With feeding stops, we expect it to be about a 9 hour drive. Will has never been in a car longer than 2 hours so we'll how this goes. Fortunately, he doesn't mind his car seat and he's at the age where he can look at/grab toys hanging in front of him. I'm hoping that will occupy him while he's awake.

• We have a lot planned for the week we'll be in Ohio, but I think I'm most excited to take Will to see Santa. Obviously he won't care, but it was always a tradition I loved as a child and I want to make it a tradition for Will as well.

• In non-Will related news, I quit my job last week. Officially I resigned as a full time employee, but I am still working for them as a freelance/contract employee. I'm hoping this will allow me a more flexible schedule. We'll still have the nanny full time so I can be available for work whenever they need me. The crazy thing is, an hour after I resigned they were calling me with a project, so I've been working a little bit over the past week. It's actually kind of nice to get my brain into work mode. It was starting to get a little mushy from "mommy-brain".

• That's it from Fairytale land. I hope everyone has a very happy holiday season and I'll see you in 2012 (unless I have a free minute or two while in Ohio to put up a quick post).

Will has become such a smiley baby...I love it!

Airplanes, nannies and turkeys...oh my!

Whew, I need to stop and take a breath. Life in the Fairytale household has been on overdrive lately. So, let me back up a little...

We survived the trip to Ohio, but it wasn't the easiest adventure ever. Will decided not to nap the morning we were set to leave for the airport. Of course, he finally fell asleep as we were standing in the security line and I had to wake him up to go through security. Fortunately, everyone was very helpful and tolerant of my fumbling with a baby, stroller, luggage, etc.

I was warned that most babies have trouble with take off and landing because of the pressure in their ears. Will ate just before we boarded the plane (the boy has his schedule down to the minute and there is no holding him off when he's hungry!), so feeding him during takeoff wasn't an option. I had a paci ready though. He fell asleep as soon as we started to taxi and woke up after we were in the air. I thought I was in the clear, but no. An overtired baby who isn't used to sleeping in his mommy's arms makes for a VERY LONG 45 minute flight. Again my son defied the odds and finally fell asleep as we were landing. Figures.

Remember what I said about not being able to hold him off when he's hungry. Yeah, that came to bite me in the ass once we landed. As we were taxing to the gate it was time for him to eat again. I had planned to get us off the plane, get our luggage and then feed him before we left the airport. He didn't get that memo and proceeded to let everyone in the terminal know this by screaming from the time we got off the plane until I could get our luggage and I could put a bottle in his mouth. Yes. I was that mom in the airport. You know the one. With the screaming child that people either pity or can't get away from fast enough. I just kept my head down and refused to make eye contact with anyone, the whole time cursing Hubby for not being with me.

Despite our misadventures getting to Ohio we had a great time and Will charmed everyone he met. He's very much looking forward to his return trip at Christmas. The flight back was a little bit easier, but only because Hubby was with me. Will still wasn't the happiest of travelers, but at least there wasn't any screaming.

So, I'm planning to go back to work at the beginning of January (trying to work out a flex arrangement with my company but that's a saga for another post). Hubby and I decided to get a nanny as opposed to using daycare. There really aren't a lot of daycare options on the upper east side of NY because so many people opt for nannies, so we didn't have much of a choice. It wasn't easy trying to choose the person to spend more awake hours with your child than you will, but in the end we're both very happy with our choice. She's actually starting tomorrow and going to spend the week with us to get acquainted with Will, his schedule and how I like to do things. Then she's going on vacation for a few weeks and she'll be back with us full-time in early January.

Because we were in Ohio the weekend before Thanksgiving, Hubby and I decided to spend our first Thanksgiving as a family in NYC. It was such a wonderful weekend. We walked over to the west side and watched some of the big parade until Will decided he had enough. I spent most of the afternoon cooking my first turkey and we had a couple friends over for dinner. It was definitely a day to be thankful for!

The craziness that my life has become is going to continue for the next couple of weeks so I will apologize now for a lack of postings and comments on all your blogs. Rest assured, I am reading your posts and always want to comment, but rarely have the time. I guess this is when I'm pulling my "it's the thought that counts" card!

Mommy's little turkey :)

Enjoying a gorgeous Thanksgiving morning watching the parade in NYC!

 

 

I missed my anniversary?!?!

Somehow I missed my 1-year blogoversary. Actually, I know how...I've been consumed with a baby!

Happy Belated Blogoversary to me:) It was last Friday, November 11.

Things in Fairytale Land have been happening so fast, but have been good. Will turned 12 weeks old on Sunday! He's over 12lbs now and I can definitely feel it in my arms. He's giving me some guns!

The smiles and baby talking are nonstop now - at least they are for Hubby and I, but Will gets a little shy around new people. He loves to lay on his changing table and smile and "talk" to me about his day. He isn't grabbing any toys yet but he loves to play with his hands and put them into his mouth.

Last night was a new record. He slept from 8:30pm until 7:30am. (We didn't do anything special, Will has done this on his own!) I kept checking on him because I was convinced something was wrong. Hubby and I are preparing for the sleep regression we keep hearing about between 3-4 months. Until it happens though, we're going to try and enjoy these blissful nights!

I officially stopped nursing and pumping on Sunday. We had a great last nursing session, he was very calm and happy. I'm still sad about it, but it was time. I really couldn't take the pumping anymore. Given my horrible nursing start, I'm happy to have gone as long as I did. Monday morning Will kept searching for my boob but after half his bottle he gave up on the boob and focused on the bottle. Today was better, no boob searching, just eating.

We're leaving Thursday for Will's first flight to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Ohio. Unfortunately, Hubby can't fly home with us, he's going to meet us on Friday which means I'm going to be navigating the airport with an (almost) 3-month old on his first flight. The stress of it has given me a headache the last couple of days. I know we'll be fine, but I don't want to be "that mom" with the screaming baby on the plane. Wish us luck!

I'm still in discussions with my company to try and work out a reduced work schedule. And we're in the process of interviewing nannies. And with the upcoming holidays, it's no wonder the time is flying by!

Two months: The good and the bad

I really, really need to get more consistent with blogging...sorry for yet another bulleted list post.

• Will turned two months old on Friday. We went to the doctor on Thursday for his checkup and first round of vaccines. He's right on target, weighing 11lbs. 1oz and 23.5" long. He did pretty well with the vaccines but was very tired and fussy the rest of the day and all day Friday. Poor little guy.

• I'm getting consistent smiles and coos from him which is awesome. They are the most abundant in the morning or right after he has really stinky farts (and let me tell you, this boy can fart!).

• He's starting to intentionally put his hands in his mouth. It's hilarious because when he gets them in there he sucks with such passion I'm surprised he hasn't hurt himself. It's so loud Hubby heard it two rooms away the other day! And he likes to double fist. I guess he takes after his Daddy during his college years.

• The sleeping is still a work in progress, but we seem to be down to one night time feeding around 3-4am. At his age, I'm not complaining! I know how lucky we are that he's a good sleeper. I keep waiting for something to happen that will blow up this good thing we have going on. I know I should just relax and enjoy the fact that my 9-week old baby can sleep for 12 hours and only wake once, but I can't. I want to enjoy it, but how do I retrain my brain to not expect the worst?!?!

• I'm still pumping and nursing him once in the morning. I'm becoming very resentful of the damn pump, but loving the morning time with my little man. I don't want to stop nursing him, but for my own sanity I'm going to start weaning him at 10 weeks. It's so bittersweet because we're pros with the nursing but the damn pump is my nemesis. I can't get rid of the guilt either. I've tried to come to terms with my sucky situation of a low supply, but I still feel like I've failed him in some way. Even though I know I haven't.

• I love routine. I like to know when things are going to happen and get a little flustered when my routine gets derailed. I thought having a newborn would fit right into my love of routine, but it doesn't, at least not in the way I was used to having a routine. Yes, there is a routine. Yes, I generally know how things are going to play out, but OH MY GOD is it monotonous. I never knew my life would be subdivided into 3-4 hour segments like this. Why don't people tell you this? Or did they tell me and I didn't pay attention?

• In general I know we've gotten extremely lucky with Will. He's usually a very happy, content and sweet baby. Sure he has his fussy days and days when I can't do anything right by him, but what baby doesn't? All of my issues with motherhood are my own issues. The guilt over the breastfeeding, the resentment towards Will for making my days so boring sometimes, the feelings that I'm doing something wrong that is going to screw him up for life, the general feeling of inadequacy as a mother that I feel. I'm a perfectionist and I think that is playing a huge part in how I feel. I can only control so much when it comes to a baby and that is hard for me to wrap my head around at times. As time passes I'm getting better about cutting myself some slack, but there is always going to be a part of me that wonders "am I REALLY doing the best I can for my son?"

• Despite my crazy feelings, I really do grow more in love with Will everyday. With this face, how could I not?!?!

Our version of sleep training

"Does your baby sleep through the night yet?"

This seems to be the question of the day and it's one I get asked all the time about Will. My answer, no but we're working on it. Here's how we're working on it (nothing scientific here, this is all trial and error and honestly we really have no clue what the hell we're doing!)...

Will has always been a fairly good sleeper, especially at night. He generally goes to bed without a fight and only wakes to eat then goes back to sleep (the daytime is a different story I'll save for another post).

From the time the baby nurse started, when Will was 1 week old, we put him on a bedtime routine. We start with a warm bath, then give him a little baby massage, a clean diaper with his bottom slathered in diaper rash cream (we try to limit night time diaper changes so the diaper rash cream has been important), jammies and his night time feeding. When we feed him this night time bottle we dim the lights, put the TV on mute and play soothing music to "set the mood" for sleep. Regardless how much or how often he feeds at night, we always start with this routine.

After doing a little research online (again I resorted to Dr. Goo.gle), we decided to give cluster feeding a try. Will's bedtime feeding is at 8pm so we started giving him a feed at 6pm to "fill his tank" before he went to sleep. This worked OK and bought us an extra 30-45 minutes, so we thought we would add a dreamfeed as well (yes, both at the same time). Hubby would get Will up at 10pm and feed him again. Will was usually coherent enough to take a bottle but not awake. Again, this only bought us about an extra 30 minutes. We were doing both of these techniques together for 3-4 days.

We realized with the extra dreamfeed, Will was getting way too much to eat in one day causing him to spit up a lot more than usual. We cut out the dreamfeed and it made no difference to Will, he still slept the extra 30 minutes or so. Apparently it worked since we got a little more sleep time from him and had no adverse reaction when we stopped it.

We kept the cluster feed for an addition 4 days or so after stopping the dreamfeed but eventually eliminated it after realizing it wasn't doing anything additional for us after the initial 30-45 minutes extra we got.

So what does this all mean? Well, for Will it seems that these two techniques got him (and us) and little extra sleep but it's a slow process and I think as he gets older he'll naturally stretch out his sleeping times. The one other thing we've done is stretch his daytime feedings a little. Instead of feeding him every 3 hours we usually go between 3.5 and 4.5 depending on his naps. He's getting used to going a little longer between feedings and that seems to help at night.

We're moving him from the bassinet in our bedroom to his crib in the next week or so, and we're hoping once he's settled into his crib we can start to work on eliminating the 5am feeding. I think we're going to try a dreamfeed scenario at 5am and see if we can make that work for us again. Who knows?!?!

I wish I had a magic answer for getting Will to sleep well at night, but I don't. It's just been lots of trial and error with some rough nights thrown into the mix. But to anyone looking for answers to sleeping longer at night I suggest you try either cluster feeding or dreamfeeding or a combination of both. And make sure the baby is getting enough food during the day as well as enough day time sleep (but not too much day time sleep!).

7 weeks...where has the time gone?

Despite my lack of posting I'm still here, but can't believe Will is 7 weeks old today. I have no clue where the time has gone. I seem to be busy all the time but really can't pinpoint what I've done other than feed, change and cuddle my little guy.

He's growing and changing like crazy. By my estimation (and crappy digital home scale), he weighs a little over 10lbs now. He's outgrown most of his newborn clothes and almost fits into the 3 month clothes. He's definitely longer than he is wide, but he has the cutest pudgy thighs.

We're working on getting him down to one feeding at night. He typically sleeps from 8:30pm-8am with two feeds. Hubby does one feed and I do the other. If we can get him down to one feed I think it will mean more sleep for all of us. We're getting close...

The past couple of days he's given me some real smiles. Not gas smiles or fake smiles, but real gummy, toothless smiles. I get them the most in the morning after I nurse him. Sometimes he'll hiccup and think its funny so he'll let out a little squeal and smile so big I can't help but smile right back at him. It melts my heart every time.

The breastfeeding is the same story, different day. I nurse him in the morning and pump during the day. He's still getting 10-12oz of breast milk a day and the rest formula. I'm probably going to start weaning in early November. Honestly, I never I thought I would make it that long given my low supply so I'm ecstatic he'll be getting breast milk for over 2 months. But the guilt? Yeah, it's still there. Now it's guilt over wanting to stop when we seem to be in a routine that works. It's the pumping that is purely exhausting to me. I need to figure out a way to be 100% ok with weaning before I do it. I don't want any regrets.

This motherhood thing is still really hard. It's very monotonous and often really lonely and isolating, despite my best efforts to get out of the apartment every day and meet some other new moms. I know it will get better, but these early weeks are much more of a challenge than I expected. Maybe I need to try and blog a little more consistently...at least this gives me a place to vent without sounding like a horrible mother!

To end on a bright note, here is a recent picture of Will making his fish-face at me.

One month old

Mr. William was one month old yesterday! My little man is getting so big! We had his one-month doctor appointment this morning and he's up to 9lbs and is 21.5" long (he's definitely longer than he is wide). He got one shot but handled it like a champ. The doctor said everything looked great, the only thing he said is we could increase Will's feeding amounts if he would take more. Other than that, we're right on target (whew, I still get nervous after the jaundice issue).

We went through a period last week where he didn't want to sleep during the day, but was still sleeping at night. It had me completely stressed out by the end of the day to the point that he and I were both in tears. Thankfully, Hubby and I were able to get him back to his routine over the weekend and we're doing much better this week (although the general exhaustion is overwhelming!). Will still has a couple periods during the day where he doesn't sleep, but he's content just hanging out, being read to, going for a walk, etc.

Monday was our first "new mom's group" which was great. It's run by the same woman I went to for an "expectant mom's group" while I was pregnant. It was comforting to hear some of the things other moms are going through and realizing that all the crazy things I'm feeling, the irrational fears, the self-doubt, all of it is normal. I've been scared to put Will in the Baby Bj.orn because I thought he was too little, but there was another mom there who had her son in it and he's the same age as Will. It gave me a boost of confidence to at least open the package. Granted, I haven't tried it yet, but I'm getting closer than I was a week ago...baby steps.

I'm still have milk supply issues, but we've seemed to settle into a pattern that is working for us. It's still exhausting and time consuming, but I feel less guilty now than I did a couple weeks ago. I nurse Will when he first wakes up in the morning, then I nurse him a second time in the morning. After that I wait a couple of hours and pump. The next feeding is expressed milk in a bottle, I pump again and give him another bottle of expressed milk (if I have enough, some days I don't). By this point we're getting ready for his bedtime feedings which always switch over to formula. I pump once more before I go to bed and we use formula for the remainder of his nighttime feedings. So he's getting about 50/50 right now. As we increase his feeding amounts, he'll be getting more formula but that's OK. I'm giving him as much breast milk as I can. I'll be OK with that if I can continue this routine until 6 weeks. We'll see...

Other than the daytime sleeping issues we had, my little man is such a joy. He is so curious and loves to look around and take everything in. He gets a baby massage every night after his bath and he LOVES it, especially having his little legs and back massaged. I can't stop kissing and "eating" his chubby little cheeks and his double chins. I'm starting to getting little half smiles from him in the mornings and hearing sounds that aren't cries or farts...they're really baby gurgles/giggles:)

Slowly, very slowly, and with the help of Hubby, I'm starting to get the hang of this thing and feel more comfortable and more confident in myself as a mommy.

Will - one month old

Life as a mommy

Wow, I can't believe I have a 3-week old. Actually, if I look at my erratic blogging and commenting yes I can. I apologize for being a slacker, but I'm still trying to get into my routine. So, for now I'm going with the classic bullet point post...

• Will is doing great. We went for his 2-week checkup last week and he had surpassed his birth weight which was a huge relief given how much he lost because of the early dehydration and jaundice. Dr. L said we were doing great with him and the jaundice episode is completely behind us.
• Well, the jaundice episode might be behind us physically, but mentally it's left me totally gun shy. From day one I haven't been producing enough milk for Will, despite diligent pumping and every other trick in the book. So, we've been supplementing with formula at night and expressed breast milk during the day (I haven't been confident he would get enough from nursing. I'm more comfortable giving it to him in a bottle so I KNOW he's getting enough). It's exhausting to feed him a bottle of breast milk and then have to pump an hour later. Honestly, it leaves no time for anything.
• I mentioned all this to Dr. L and he said to nurse him the first two feeds in the morning when my supply is at it's highest. I've been trying that for a couple days now and it seems to be OK, although I'm still not confident he's getting enough at the second feed. But at least I know he can make up for it later in the day if he needs to through the bottle.
• I don't know how long I can keep up the nursing/pumping/formula scenario. I want him to get as much breast milk as he can (and I do enjoy the few nursing sessions we do have), but I also need to find a time balance. I'm feeling horribly guilty that I'm even thinking about stopping the nursing at 6 weeks. I can't help it. I feel like I'm failing my son, even though the rational side of me knows he really is thriving. Hubby has been incredibly supportive about whatever I want to do, which isn't helping me feel any less guilty...
• I've gotten more comfortable taking Will out of the apartment on my own. Hubby is back at work full time and we no longer have the baby nurse during the day (just a couple nights during the week which will end at the end of this week). It's always an accomplishment if I'm able to shower and brush my teeth before noon, and an even bigger accomplishment if we get out of the apartment. For the most part Will does great, unless it's close to feeding time. Then all hell breaks loose because when this guy is hungry you better feed him PRONTO!
• Will is a pretty gassy baby, but we're starting to distinguish his gassy cries from his other cries so we can act accordingly (rub his back, try to burp him again, use the gas drops if we get desperate, etc.). Other than the gas, he's generally a very happy baby.
• Even though I know it's likely just gas, I think I got the beginnings of a smile from him yesterday morning. It melted my heart and made me forget how tired I was. Who knew one little gassy smile would bring such pleasure?!?!

• As for me, I've lost all the weight except 3 pounds which are going to be the hardest (fortunately, I only gained 25lbs total so I didn't have tooooo much to lose). Everything on my body is soft and mushy. As soon as I'm able I need to get my body back to some sort of normal...it's driving me nuts.
• Despite all the challenges, feelings of guilt, wondering if I'm doing this wrong and screwing my kid up for the rest of his life, he is 100% worth it!!!

My fairytale ending...and a new beginning

WARNING: This post is going to have lots of TMI and is going to talk about my birth experience. If you're struggling with IF issues you may want to skip this post (I know I likely would have a year ago!).

After my 37-week doctor's appointment on Friday when Dr. B. told me I was 2cm and he wouldn't be surprised if I delivered in the next week, Hubby and I went into overdrive. We finished the nursery (I'll save that for another post), I ran lots of errands, finally packed my hospital bag and got lots of food to cook during the week and freeze.

I had plans on Sunday to meet another preggo friend for a walk at 4pm and then a haircut and color at 6:15pm (my grays desperately needed to be covered!!). I ran a few final errands Sunday morning and was back home around 12:15pm. I sat down on the couch to rest for a few minutes and noticed a little dampness in my underwear. I went to the bathroom and everything seemed normal but things were a little more wet than they were 5 minutes prior (and I had just used the bathroom so I knew it wasn't pee). There was no color or odor, but it was so minimal I put it out of my mind. About 10 minutes later I had the same damp feeling again. Another bathroom check and there was a little more wetness on my underwear.

Hubby was getting ready to go into the office for a couple of hours, so I walked into the other bathroom and told him I thought my water might be starting to break. What was his reaction...a totally blank stare! I think we were both in a little bit of a shock. We decided I would wait another half hour and see if there was more wetness and then call the doctor.

He went to the office and I tried to relax. 15 minutes later and more wetness. At this point, I put on a light pad and called the doctor and left a message for him to call me back. Dr. S. was on call Sunday, so he called back about a half hour later and told me the only way to know for sure was for me to come into the hospital. I called Hubby and we agreed he would come home in an hour and we'd go to the hospital. During that time I had a few small gushes, although I use that term lightly. They were like mini-gushes; I could feel fluid leaking out but never really felt a gush.

We got to the hospital around 4:30pm, and I was in the triage area, in a gown and hooked up to the monitors by 5:00pm. Dr. S. came over and did a quick check of the fluid. Ironically, as soon as he had me open my legs I had a gush...yep, my water broke and I was in labor! He didn't do an internal to see how far along I was because once the water breaks it makes the risk of infection go up dramatically.

This whole time I'd been having contractions, but they weren't consistent and weren't very strong. They were gradually getting stronger, but nothing more painful than period cramps. Dr. S. had my birth plan with him, which he was OK with except for the fact that now that my water had broken we were working against the clock because of an infection risk. He suggested giving me a low dose of Pitocin to get the contractions to become more regular and stronger. I agreed, but still asked to not have an epidural.

I kind of lost track of time at this point, but probably around 7:00ish the nurse and Dr. S. came in to see how I was doing. I was being given the lowest dose of Pitocin but it was definitely working. The contractions were pretty regular and definitely stronger. I was having to concentrate on my breathing to get through them. We talked about an epidural but I still didn't want one. I did agree to have the consultation with the anesthesiologist just in case. We talked, I understood everything and he went on his way. I worked through another half hour or so of the contractions and decided I'd already had an IV and Pitocin so I was going to get the epidural. Lesson learned...birth plans are just that, a plan. Nothing is set in stone!

The anesthesiologist came back within 5 minutes, got me set up and did his thing. It didn't really hurt other than the shot to numb the area, and it was over within 10 minutes. Dr. S. told me I should feel the full effects within 10-20-minutes. After 20 minutes, my left side was feeling 100x better, but I could still feel almost the full effect of the contractions on my right side. I called the nurse back in and she got the anesthesiologist to correct things so I'd have equal relief. Another 15 minutes later and I finally had relief on both sides. I was still aware of the peak of the contractions because of a feeling of pressure, but it wasn't the intense, white-knuckle pain I was feeling before.

At this point, Dr. S. wanted to do an internal to see how things were progressing. It was probably 8 or 8:30pm by now. He did his thing and told me I was 7cm dilated. We were all shocked how far along I was! Apparently my body had kicked it into high gear and took over the contractions. They turned off the Pitocin and let my body (and the Woowoo) continue doing its thing.

45 minutes later Dr. S. came back to do another check and announced we had reached 9cm and I would be having a baby very soon. To be honest, I was still in shock I was labor so to hear that I would have my baby so soon was totally surreal. Thankfully Hubby was there with me to calm me down. We started placing bets as to what time he would come out. It turned into a texting game of Price Is Right with his family about the time. I predicted the earliest time at 12:17am, I figured I'd be pushing for a while.

Dr. S. and the nurse left for a bit but told us to let them know right away if I felt the urge to push, or rather the urge to poop. I started to feel some small urges with contractions but nothing like "Oh my God, I have to take a giant crap RIGHT NOW!".

Around 9:45pm, they came back in and after another internal I was at 10cm. It was go time! The nurse got the room ready, Dr. S. got his speakers and his pushing playlist ready and the baby nurse came in (yes, my doctor brought in portable speakers, hooked up his iPod and had a pushing playlist...it was awesome!!)

They had me slid down almost on my back, but with Hubby behind my head supporting my back. I grabbed behind my thighs and they had me push twice. These weren't the "real" pushes, but rather to see where the baby's head was. After the two pushes, Dr. S. announced I was having this baby NOW. And then my contractions stalled. Fabulous. It took about 2 minutes before I had another contraction and felt the urge to push. I took a big deep breath, Hubby supported my back and I leaned over my belly while pushing as hard as I could. The rumors are true, you really do push like you're trying to take a giant poop! The baby crowned with that push to the point that Hubby could see hair (even though he was at the "north end" as Dr. S. put it). Another contraction came, and another deep breath and push...out came the baby's head. The next push ended up being a half push, Dr. S. told me half way through it to not push so hard and the baby's shoulders and baby slid right out.

I couldn't believe it...basically three pushes and I was looking at my son! (Sidebar: the postpartum hormones are no joke, I just started crying as I typed that sentence...I have a son!!). Apparently the little man had to go to the bathroom because he had his first bowel movement immediately and all over me. I had no clue and didn't even care. I guess it was pretty huge because it was everywhere, so the nurse gave him a quick 15 second wipe down and then handed him to me. He wasn't really crying, just kind of whimpering, but calmed down and started to lose the blue color once he was on my chest. The feeling was beyond words. I started crying, Hubby couldn't stop smiling and the Woowoo just nuzzled into me.

I got to hold my little boy for about 20 minutes while I delivered the placenta 8 minutes later and Dr. S. sewed me up. I had two minor (first degree) tears that required a few stitches. I think they probably happened when he told me to stop pushing so hard. Oops...

The baby nurse came over and took Will to the warmer to get cleaned up, put a diaper on (we weren't sure if he was done pooping yet or not), and get a quick check. She had him back in my arms in 10 minutes where he immediately found my boob and started going to town. That was another totally indescribable feeling. It calmed me down and he seemed so content. Meanwhile, Hubby is snapping pictures and taking videos, all the while staring at Will with the cutest, silliest grin on his face.

Within in an hour or so I was transferred up to my room and Hubby and I settled in for the night. I never went to sleep, I stayed up the whole time holding Will and just staring at him. I couldn't believe such an amazing little being came out of me. It was (and still is) such a totally surreal experience...and one I am incredibly thankful to have been blessed to experience.

I finally got my fairytale ending! Now it's time for a new beginning of a whole different kind (and maybe I need to rethink my blog name?!?!).

We're back home

Will was released from the NICU around 1pm yesterday afternoon, just in time for us to bring him home and get him settled in before the hurricane hit the city. Fortunately, all three of us pretty much slept through the worst of it and we never lost power. We had one minor water leak in the bedroom near the window, but because we rent in a condo building it's the buildings problem, not ours!

My anxiety levels have gone down quite a bit since bringing Will back home. We have him eating at least 2oz every 3 hours and he's sleeping really well...so far:) We have a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow to check his weight and make sure the jaundice has remained under control since leaving the NICU. Hubby has to go into the office so it will be my first venture out alone with Will.

We also have the baby nurse starting tomorrow. At this point, I think we could probably be OK without her, but I'm hoping she can help me learn how to properly bathe him, how to keep my milk production up (it's been really low which I think contributed to his dehydration) and keep things on a manageable schedule.

I have a labor post and a nursery post started, but wanted to let you all know that we're home safe and sound before posting anything else. Thank you so much for your kind words and all of your support. I've been keeping up with your blogs, just haven't had much time to comment. To those who have had babies...congrats!! I'll post more appropriate comments on your blogs soon:)

These pics are a little blurry, but it's hard to take a picture of a squirmy newborn (and Will is a squirmy guy!).

A happy little guy after filling his tummy

A full tummy, a dry diaper and a clean onesie...it's a good day!

A quick update

This will be quick because we have a lot going on right now, but I need to write some things down - if nothing else than to try and maintain my emotional sanity.

Will (screw the anonymity, my sweet baby boy's name is Will!), went for his newborn doc appt on Thursday afternoon. Everything looked good except for the slight jaundice hue he had. The doc (Dr. L. - thanks Sienna...LOVE him!) did a bilirubin test and called us about 10pm to tell us his numbers were too high and we needed to take Will to the ER immediately for evaluation and treatment.

That wasn't a totally nerve wracking call or anything! Thankfully Hubby answered the phone and was able to talk to the doc, I would have been in tears.

So, we packed up Will and took our first NYC cab ride to Corn.ell ER. After lots of tests and waiting he was admitted to the NICU around 2:30am. I couldn't stop crying the entire time we were in the ER. How the hell was I supposed to leave my 4 day old baby?!?! I'm crying as I type this. These postpartum hormones are NO JOKE!

Walking out of the hospital at 3am with my son was the hardest thing I've had to do. Even harder than losing my mom...but thankfully I knew my mom and dad (who Will is named after) were going to watch over him and take care of him.

Anyway, my short post is getting long here...

I spent all day with him yesterday, feeding him (he's breastfeeding but my milk production is really low so we're supplementing with lots of formula to get him rehydrated and gaining weight), cuddling him, changing his numerous poopy diapers and watching him pee on his own head (oops, gotta remember to keep that little weewee covered during the diaper changes). The morning test results were good and they thought he would be released last night...no such luck. The afternoon test results were the same as the morning results, as opposed to being better as they should have been.

So, yet again Hubby and I walked out of the ER without our baby boy. I was able to get a little sleep last night, but I'm up every 3 hours pumping in the hopes that will help increase my milk production, so it wasn't a consistent sleep.

We decided to hold off on the baby nurse even before Will was sent to the hospital because we wanted to try and figure a few things out on our own. As of now, she's schedule to be here Monday morning. But who knows if that will happen because of Hurricane Irene.

Speaking of that bitch, Hubby went out yesterday to stock up on supplies, not so much for the hurricane itself, but in preparation of losing electricity for a long time. It's not something I'm looking forward to, but leaving the city isn't an option right now and we've done what we can to prepare. Now we just sit and hope she changes her course enough not to take a direct hit on NYC.

My emotions have run the gamut this week from elation, joy, over-the-moon-love to lots of anxiety, fear, overwhelming urges to cry and everything in between. I know it's all normal, but having gone through an unexpected early labor, an earthquake while in the hospital (yes, I felt it), hospitalizing my 4 day old son and now potentially living through a hurricane - all within the last 6 days - is a little trying on the system.

So, I'm waiting for shift change at the hospital to call and see what Will's numbers were in the middle of the night. They'll do a repeat test at 9am this morning to compare and see if they've dropped. If so, we'll hopefully take him home today. If not...I don't know...which is what scares me to the most.

Yep, I had a baby!

The Woowoo (now known as W) was born at 10:01pm Sunday evening. He weighed in at 7lbs. 7oz. and 19-3/4" long!

We're both doing great and I am in heaven. It's been an amazing experience. I will post more when we're home from the hospital.

Baby Will, 2 days old

Um, I think I'm having a baby soon

I just got back from the doctor for my 37 week appointment (technically, I'm 36w6d...but whose counting?!?!).

• Contractions: check
• Head down: check
• Mucus plug gone: check
• Softening cervix: check
• Dilation: check (2cm)

So let me start from my last post a week ago.

Hubby and I were at the beach from last Saturday until Tuesday evening with his mom and sister (also preggo...18 weeks), which was wonderfully relaxing. I'd been having more frequent contractions but nothing to write home about. Wednesday evening Hubby wanted a little action and I was feeling good so we had a little fun. Immediately after I noticed I was spotting. I didn't really think too much of it because it stopped by Thursday morning.

I continued on with my Thursday at work, but had to go to the bathroom a couple of times during the day. This third tri has brought the dreaded preggo constipation so I was a little surprised by this. I was definitely feeling more contractions, but they were still random and sporadic. When I was using the bathroom before going to bed last night I noticed a discharge unlike anything I'd seen before...it was incredibly thick, long and slightly darker color than the typical. Think EWCM but thicker, stringier and not white (sorry, TMI I know).

I woke up twice last night with a nauseous feeling but never actually got sick. Hubby and I got up early this morning and he went for a run while I went for a very slow walk. I had a couple of contractions while on the walk but still random and sporadic.

So, I head to the doctor this morning and tell him all this and he suggests we do an internal to see what's going on. The Woowoo has totally dropped, is in the posterior position (head down), my cervix is softened (he didn't tell me how much I was effaced) and I'm 2cm dilated.

Yes, you read that correctly...I'm 2cm dilated and tomorrow is full term for me. I know things could always stay this way for a while, but the doctor (Doc B for those who know my practice) gave me a 50% chance of delivering before my next appointment which is a week from today. (If it means anything, my mom delivered me 2-1/2 weeks early and I was over 8lbs. Hubby was a week early and close to 9lbs. We breed 'em big and get 'em out early:) )

I was shocked!!! I knew things were happening but didn't think they were happening so rapidly.

So, all the things Hubby and I planned to do this weekend are no longer optional...they will get done. Fortunately, it's lots of little stuff and should be doable.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the overwhelming excitement I'm feeling at meeting my sweet little boy soon...maybe sooner than I had planned:)

36 weeks (almost) and a doc update

I'll be 36 weeks tomorrow...yay me:) Even though this isn't full-term, in my mind it's another big milestone. If Woowoo were to make his appearance tomorrow, I'm confident he would be just fine.

I went to the doctor this morning and got to see my little guy again. He has managed to gain over 2lbs in the last 4 weeks. He's up to 6lbs 10oz and in the 74th percentile. I realize the weight can be off 10-20% but wow...he's a big boy already! Everything looks fine and he's progressing normally. He was being a little shy as usual, but we did get to see him practicing his sucking and swallowing for a few minutes. It's was so cute and even got my usually quiet Hubby to laugh and comment how adorable he was:)

They typically don't do an internal until full-term, however I asked for one because of all the lower abdominal pressure I've been having, and Hubby and I are heading to the beach for the next 4 days. I wanted the peace of mind that I would be OK 3+ hours away from home for longer than a day.

The nurse did the Group B strep test (results next week) and Dr. B. did the internal exam. He said the kid has definitely dropped some, but not fully and my cervix is still closed, so he gave me the green light to enjoy a little R&R (as long as Hubby promised to stop every hour on the drive down there so I could stretch my legs and pee...doctor's orders!).

We talked at length about my birth plan and he had no problems with it...yet another reason I love this doc!! He said he's seen all kinds of births and lots of great plans that get derailed; as long as I realize things may not go exactly as I hope, he's fine with my desires for no IV, freedom to move, no epidural, etc. He put it into my file and said once I'm admitted he'll sign an order for a hep lock instead of an IV...woohoo!

I've got weekly appointments now and another ultrasound to check the Woowoo's weight in three weeks. Until then, I'll keep growing my big boy:) 

35w3d belly pic...yes, I did swallow a basketball:)

The birth plan

I have an appointment with my doctor this Friday - one day shy of 36 weeks. It will be another growth scan and the usual blood pressure, pee in a cup, weight thing, but they will most likely do an internal exam as well. Primarily to make sure there isn't a fibroid blocking the Woowoos exit route (they don't think there is, but want to be sure).

I've put together a birth plan that I want to review with the doc at this point, as well. Hubby and I took the childbirth classes at the hospital and I know my doctor's (and the practice in general) philosophies on labor, but I want to discuss MY specifics with him.

Every woman has the right to have the birth she wants, and I make no judgments on anyone's choices when it comes to their own birth...so please don't make any judgments about my choices here (just wanted to throw that out there since I've gotten some comments along the lines of "you're crazy for not wanting an epidural!" or "why don't you just schedule a c-section, it'll be easier").

In a nutshell, below are the basics of how I'd prefer this birth goes, of course this is assuming the Woowoo plays along:
• no IV, but a hep lock instead
• be allowed to move freely as long as labor is progressing without any issues
• be allowed to drink clear liquids (other than water) and eat if I want (not sure they'll go for this one)
• only want an epidural if I ask for it
• if I choose to get an epidural, be allowed to labor down before pushing
• want Hubby to cut the cord
• want baby to be given to me immediately after birth (for skin-to-skin contact)
• want exclusive breastfeeding
• want baby to room-in with me

Those are the basics, I'll get into more detail about some of the items with Dr. B., but I'm most concerned about having the freedom to move around. If I'm going to try and have a natural birth, I know I'm going to want to have the freedom to change positions frequently to handle the pain of the contractions.

Ultimately, I want a safe birth for the Woowoo and me. I've come to terms with the fact that anything can happen, so I'm trying to keep an open mind and be flexible. We'll see how it goes...

In the meantime, I'm continuing to waddle my way around to and from work and putting the final touches on the nursery. Hubby and I are heading out of town for a couple days this weekend to enjoy some R&R with his family at the beach. I'm not sure a 36-week pregnant woman should be allowed on the beach, but I plan to keep myself sufficiently covered so I don't scare small children!

I'll update and post belly pics after the Friday doc appointment.

34 week randomness

I've made it past 34 weeks (34w2d today). This feels like such a huge milestone for me, I can't imagine my next milestone - 36 weeks! I had a doctor's appointment last Tuesday and things still seem to be progressing like normal. I had a lot of pelvic pain/pressure and hip pain on Wednesday but I think it was just lots of growing and stretching because it seemed back to normal on Thursday. I didn't think things could stretch anymore, but apparently they can!

I have lots of random things to say so the rest of the post will be bullet points (my favorites!).

• Hubby and I finally figured out a solution for shelves in the nursery/office/guest room. I was able to find a shelf/bookcase thingy at Ik.ea (for $40...score!) that fit exactly in the 12" we have between the crib and the closet door. It couldn't have been more perfect. We trekked out there yesterday and picked it up - along with 25 other things that weren't on the list but we absolutely had to have - and Hubby assembled it last night. It looks great and now I can put all the Woowoo's cute little books and knick knacks on display. We have a few more things to finish in the room and then I'll post some pics.

• Getting dressed in the morning has turned into a circus act, specifically I equate putting on my underwear to the ring toss. My belly is so big it's not comfortable to bend over and put one leg in the underwear and then the other. Sitting on the bed is not ideal because we have a low platform bed that isn't the easiest to stand up from. Going commando (at least on a daily basis) isn't really my style. So I've resorted to holding my panties in my right hand, as close to my foot as I can, and kind of tossing them over my foot without letting go...hoping to get the aim correct. Most days it works, but like any true circus ring toss game, sometimes it takes a few tries. Fortunately Hubby has not witnessed this yet...I fear he would hurt himself from laughing too hard at the sight of his wife trying to put her underwear on:)

• I think I'm keeping The Conta.iner St.ore in business these days. My nesting instinct has taken the form of organizing everything in our apartment. My recent trip included containers to organize our medicine cabinets in the bathroom. Next on the list...the junk drawer!

• I finally met my first IF bloggie friend in person. Last week I had the pleasure of having a very enjoyable lunch with Park Slope Purgatory. She and I both go to the same doctor (thanks to the recommendation of Sienna) and have shared similar IF experiences. It worked out that she was going to be in my neighborhood on a day I was working from home. It was so nice to relax and have a leisurely brunch with her, some of which was focused on babies, but some was just typical girl/lunch chat. I look forward to the next time we get to hang out!

• Next weekend is the annual Naut.ica New York City Tria.thlon. I was signed up to participate in the race this year, but had to defer to next year for obvious reasons. While I can't think of a better reason not to participate in this years race, it's also bittersweet for me. I don't talk about it much here, but I am a triathlete and have participated in over 20 triathlons in the past 7 years. It's a part of my life and makes me who I am. I desperately miss training for a race and feeling the adrenaline rush of what I've just accomplished as I cross the finish line. I've come to terms with not doing the race year because I'll be participating in my own type of race and feeling a totally different type of adrenaline rush in a few short weeks when I meet my Woowoo. Until then, I'll be in Central Park next weekend cheering on all the triathletes who will be swimming, biking and running their way to their own finish line!

Heat = An unhappy preggo

I know almost the entire country has been hit by the crazy heat wave the past week, but Oh My God!!! It's been extra miserable in NYC because of all the pavement (we topped out at 104 humid degrees on Friday). I never thought 85 degrees would feel cool until I walked out the door this morning.

I worked from home Friday so I wouldn't have to descend into the bowels of hell (aka, the NYC subway system) to get to the office. I never left the apartment and was perfectly OK with that, until our refrigerator decided it was done with the heat as well. The freezer is working fine, but the fridge has crapped out on us. During a heat wave. In the middle of July. When all an 8-month pregnant woman wants is a cold glass of chocolate milk. The repairman is coming tomorrow afternoon, but until then...ugh!

I had another meltdown on Saturday morning, and I contribute it equally to the heat and the hormones. I was getting ready to leave for yoga and Hubby was reading the newspaper on his computer in bed. I climbed on the edge of the bed to lay with him for a few minutes before I had to leave and the force of my gigantic body/belly caused his laptop to slip off and almost hit the floor.

I lost it and started crying over the fact that I'm constantly hot and I'm huge - to the point that I'm making computers fall off beds! I feel fat, even though most of it is baby, and I'm sticky all the time. I just can't cool down enough. Even if I weren't pregnant, I would feel fat and swollen from the heat. Thankfully Hubby let me cry for a few minutes, hugged me and told me how cute my belly was. He suggested I skip yoga, but that was the one thing I knew would bring me back to reality and calm me down a little - and it did. Well, it calmed me down, it definitely did not cool me down!

I tried to stay inside the rest of the weekend, or at least kept my ventures out to places within the neighborhood. It's frustrating, because I really do love being outside, but right now I care more about being as comfortable as possible than I do about enjoying the outdoors.

Despite all my complaining, I am so grateful to have my little Woowoo flipping around in my belly. And he can stay in there a few more weeks (even in this heat) if it means he'll come out big, strong and healthy (well maybe not TOO big) :)

Surprise...it's a baby shower!

A couple weeks ago two of my girlfriends and I decided to get together for a weekend playdate (one of the girls has a 9-month old that we haven't seen in a couple months). We planned it for yesterday afternoon. To some it might seem odd to plan this weeks in advance, but we all have crazy weekend schedules so it was necessary to make sure we were all available. Little did I know they had other things in mind.

Hubby and I finished up the second of our three birthing classes around 1:30pm yesterday, and I headed to the train to meet my friend to head to the other's apartment. I met her, we got in a cab and went uptown. The doorman at my friend's apartment buzzed us up and as I opened the door to her apartment I heard screaming "surprises" It was awesome (and kind of scared me at first)!! They had gathered a small group of my NY friends and gave me an awesome, intimate and incredibly generous baby shower, topped off with homemade carrot cake - my absolute favorite.

Hubby was in on the little secret and I'm rather surprised (and proud of him) that he didn't let anything slip. I was exhausted when I got home, but couldn't get comfortable enough to take a nap (damn backaches and shortness of breath is starting to really annoy me). So I opted to make a nice dinner for us and go to bed early. All in all, it was a great Woowoo-focused weekend.

31w3d

I wouldn't exactly call 31w3d a milestone, but I'm feeling a little uninspired to come up with a more creative title. I think the heat and humidity plaguing NYC today is sucking the life out of me. Thankfully I'm working from home and don't really need to go outside again.

I had a doc appointment this morning to check on the Woowoo's progress. Everything went according to plan. He's doing well - still growing big and strong. He weighed in at 4lbs. 3oz. which puts him in the 61st percentile. Last time he was in the 88th percentile so it seems his growing has slowed a bit, but nothing to worry about.

Physically, I've been doing OK other than a reappearance of the fibroids last week. It was pretty painful and has basically knocked me out for the last week. The doctor said it's not common to have a flare-up this far along, but not unheard of either. Fortunately, it's only painful to me and doesn't affect the Woowoo at all. I'm slowly starting to feel better, but definitely am feeling big in general.

Hubby and I have made a lot of progress on the nursery/office/second bedroom combo. We have the dresser assembled and full of freshly laundered clothes, the crib assembled and ready for the sheet and all the diapers/wipes/toys/etc organized in the closet. I had planned to have Hubby install a couple of shelves to display books and knick knacks, but I don't know if that's going to happen now. Our second bedroom is actually a converted dining room so the walls are temporary. Even though you can't tell from looking, Hubby is concerned about the stability of installing load bearing shelves on a temporary wall. I don't care about stability, I want cute and decorative, damn it! Unfortunately I don't think I'm going to win this battle which means I need to come up with an alternative solution to display "stuff". We don't have room for any other furniture so a small bookshelf is out of the question. Any suggestions?

We attended our first of three birthing classes at the hospital where I'll be delivering. It was informative, but not too overwhelming. I think the next class when she really focuses on the pushing part of labor might get a little scary for me, but we'll see...

So for now we're kind of on auto-pilot, just trying to get things done and letting the Woowoo do his thing in my belly. Speaking of...here is a picture taken last night. I know there is still a lot of growing to do, but I really don't know how my stomach is going to stretch much more!

Baby nurse—check!

Up until a year ago I had never heard the term "baby nurse". Or if I had, I just figured it was a woman who worked as a nurse specializing in baby care.

After going through all of my IF treatments and having a few friends have babies in NYC, I became familiar with the more common meaning for a baby nurse—basically someone who comes into your home and stays with you to help take care of your newborn (she probably isn't a certified RN, but might have some certifications and/or formal training).

Even though I knew what a baby nurse was, it's not something I had ever given any thought to. Why would I? All of my friends with kids had done it themselves or with the help of a family member. That's how I was raised and I didn't know any different.

About 3 months into my pregnancy Hubby brought up the topic and told me he thought it would be a good idea to have someone help us at first. I was immediately against it because I felt if I can't take care of this newborn on my own then I'm going to be a failure as a mother (I know, slightly irrational, but I'll blame that on the first trimester hormones).

The more we talked the better the idea sounded, though. I've never cared for a newborn, Hubby barely knows what to do with a 6-month old let alone a slippery, squirmy newborn, and we don't have any family close by to guide us. OK, so I was sold—we would get a baby nurse for the first couple of weeks and then we would be on our own.

I started my research a couple weeks ago, after I finished up the freelance project. I received some recommendations from friends, friends of friends and people in my expectant moms group.

I began the phone calls on Monday morning, and after four phone interviews I found someone I was interested in. On paper (based on the recommendation from her reference) she was everything we were looking for:
• experienced
• recommends putting baby on an eat/sleep schedule from the beginning
• knowledgeable and supportive of breastfeeding
• willing to teach me what she's doing and why she's doing it as opposed to just taking care of the baby
• adaptable to our home and lifestyle
• flexible if we want to extend her stay beyond 2 weeks
• on the lower end of the price range for a NYC baby nurse
• requires a deposit and contract to reserve her time (surprisingly, some of the women weren't interested in this which made me nervous that once the Woowoo comes the baby nurse would have committed to someone else)

Her reference had nothing but great things to say about her so I was sold. I spoke with Y (the baby nurse) yesterday afternoon. She emailed some info and her contract and we agreed to an in-person interview last night. It all happened so quickly my head was spinning and pounding. I literally got a headache from the craziness of how it all went down in the matter of hours.

She came to our apartment at 8pm, but unfortunately Hubby got stuck at a work event and was unable to meet her. Thankfully, I immediately felt comfortable and at ease with her. She was so easy to be around, yet I could tell she was a very strong woman who would help me learn how to care for my new little guy. We chatted for over an hour and half and at the end I signed on the dotted line and gave her a deposit to reserve her for at least two weeks in September.

I'm beyond excited to have found her and relieved to have this taken care of, especially knowing the Woowoo, Hubby and I will be good hands!

Holy hormones

Friday after work I finally went to Des.tina.tion Mater.nity and bought some new bras - thanks for all the advice ladies!! I actually bought nursing bras because my cup size has stayed the same over the last 4-5 months. Even if it does go up (which I still think it will), the bras I bought are designed for growth so I think I'll be OK. I also got a couple bra extenders to try and make my existing old faves last a little longer. Finally, I can breathe again or at least as much as the Woowoo will let me!

Hubby met me for a few other errands and then we went home where I proceeded to have a full hormonal meltdown. It was so stupid that it's laughable now, but at the time I was in tears on the bed curled around my preggo pillow. Essentially it came down to the doorman in our building being an inconsiderate idiot and never telling me that my Fed-Ex package from Monday wasn't picked up. I had zero tolerance for his excuses and let him know it. On top of that, Hubby was tired and hungry from a bad a day at work and wasn't exactly helping me, instead impatiently holding the elevator while I berated the doorman. So basically, I went up to our apartment, stormed into the bedroom and cried because the doorman didn't give my package to the Fed-Ex man. See...totally laughable now. It's the first time I've had a completely irrational, hormonal meltdown and Hubby had no clue what to do with me, which made me cry even more.

I eventually pulled myself together and laughed with Hubby about how ridiculous I was being but I couldn't help it. Even though I knew I was being totally nuts, I couldn't stop myself or the tears. I guess I should be thankful this is the first major meltdown I've had, but geez, did it have to be over the doorman and Fed-Ex?!?!?!

Again?

Ugh, I need new bras...again. I bought three new ones pretty early in the pregnancy because the girls were getting too big from all the IF meds. I only went up one cup size, but not a band size (went from a 34B to a 34C). Those three bras have been my life support (literally and figuratively) for the past 6 months or so, but I can't deny that my ribs and torso are expanding now and I need to upsize again.

I had to do a mini strip tease at work about an hour after I got in because I simply could not breathe. Breathing has been a challenge lately anyway because the Woowoo is invading my lung space, but couple that with a too tight bra (even on the loosest hooks) and I was near hyperventilation state. So, off came the bra and I can (kind of) breathe again. Thankfully I have on a maxi dress that doesn't necessarily require a bra, but I would have considered going bra-less even in a t-shirt just to get some relief!

I wanted to hold out on buying new bras until I got closer to the due date and then just buy some nursing bras, but I think my girls have other ideas. I know I really should get measured, but I'm being lazy and would rather order my old standby bras online in a larger size.

Thoughts? Do you think I should try to stick it out until August and buy nursing bras? Get measured and buy one or two properly sized bras to get me through the next 11 weeks? Or order my old standbys online in a bigger size?

Baby shower weekend recap

WARNING: As much as I'll try to keep this short, it could get a little wordy. But I'll reward with you pictures at the end if you can make through the whole thing.

I was scheduled on a Thursday evening flight to Ohio. We had storms moving through NY that night and they caused major havoc with all the flights. I had a 3+ hour delay so I used the time to get some work done. Without my mom around anymore, I always stay with my in-laws. By the time they picked me up and we got home it was 2:30am...I was exhausted!

It was great to sleep in Friday morning, but not for too long because I had to finish up the freelance project. At 3pm my MIL and I dropped 6 months worth of work off at Fed-Ex (woohoo!). We then did some shopping and stopped by the shower venue to figure out table arrangements. I picked up Hubby at the airport Friday night (poor guy was stuck working in NY all day while I was shopping with his mom), and we called it a day.

Saturday started with wonderful pedicures with my MIL and two sisters-in-law. I treated as a thank you for all the hard work they put into the baby shower. We had lunch, ran a few more errands and then took naps (one of my sis-in-laws is also pregnant in her first trimester so she's tired all the time). Hubby and I met some of his friends from high school for dinner. When we got back home two of my aunts had arrived (both coming from out of town and staying at the in-laws overnight). I stayed up talking with them for a little while which was great since I don't get to see them often.

Sunday morning was a whirlwind of activity as we all tried to get ready and out of the house in time for the 11am shower. It was an amazing shower! I got to see friends I hadn't seen in a couple of years, some family I only get to see once a year and even a few random guys from college (the shower was at a golf course on a Sunday morning...I was bound to run into someone from college). Hubby stopped by just before it was time to open gifts so he got to help too, which I thought was really cute of him (I definitely scored myself a good man with that one!).

The Woowoo received so many wonderful gifts, both from the registry and some off the registry that were handmade. I still can't get over how generous everyone was. I said a few thank you's at the end and got chocked up (something I rarely do). I wasn't sure I wanted to have a shower at all because I knew it wouldn't be the same without my mom. In hindsight, I'm really happy I did. I made sure and let everyone know their generosity and love are the things that made the shower so worth it. Everyone in the room had known my mom so they understood just how appreciative I was. All in all, it was an amazing day!

Enjoying some family time the night before the shower.

Opening gifts at the shower. Some people had the gifts shipped to us and included an image of what they got us.

These are most of the gifts that were shipped to us (not including the ones we actually received AT the shower)!

Quick doc appt update

I had my 27 week growth scan, doc appointment and glucose test this morning. All is well with the Woowoo...he is a big boy measuring in the 85th percentile at 2lbs 13oz. Thankfully his head measurements are right back on track. I still think the last time his numbers were so low was because of bad measuring by the tech (whatever the reason, I'm glad we're back to normal now). Anyway, he's flipped himself to head down. He was breech for so long I wasn't sure he would flip. I realize it's likely he'll still flip around for another month or so, but I'm hoping he learns to like this position:)

I won't know the results of the glucose test until tomorrow morning, but fingers crossed I passed. I hadn't eaten anything since last night so I could drink the nasty orange sugar this morning. It took it's toll. I passed out after the growth scan while the tech was having the doctor review the results. Thankfully Hubby was with me and got a nurse and the doc. They rolled me to my left side and put a cold compress on my forehead. I immediately started feeling better. 10 minutes later I was ready to leave and have my blood drawn. I ate immediately after while waiting to see the doc for my appointment. I was still a little shaky but my blood pressure was normal and the Woowoo was doing gymnastics in my belly so I knew all was good. Scary nonetheless since I've never passed out before.

So basically all is good with the baby and with me and I should just keep doing what I'm doing for another 4 weeks until my next growth scan and doc appt.

On another topic, I had a fabulous time visiting family and at my baby shower this weekend. I'll post all about it in the next few days with some new pics. I will say I have one spoiled (and very loved) little boy!

A celebration weekend

I am very much looking forward to the weekend which, for me, starts at 5pm today. I'm taking tomorrow and Monday off work to travel home to Ohio for one last family visit and my baby shower on Sunday. I know the Woowoo is going to be spoiled rotten. He is a lucky boy to have such wonderful family and friends that he hasn't even met yet!

My other reason for a weekend of celebration is the (almost) completion of my gigantic freelance project. I haven't gone into any detail on this blog - and I won't for fear of boring you - but the project has been going on since early January. It's a 400+ catalog and I've logged well over 200 hours. It's been a mad dash to the finish the last few days, with a couple of sleepless nights, but I'm hoping to send it to the printer tomorrow. WOOHOO!!!! We are almost two weeks past our deadline, but I'm happy that it should be done before the shower. I'll be able to fully relax and enjoy the weekend without work hanging over my head.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

A little R & R and new bump pics

Last week, Hubby and I headed out of town for our baby moon. The plan was for lots of rest and relaxation, but in a typical fashion for us it turned into lots of randomness and some relaxation.

We've never been the type of couple to take a long vacation and stay in one place. Some of our typical vacations include spending a few days in Bangkok, Thailand spending a few days on the beach in Koi Samui, Thailand then finishing with time in Hong Kong. On another trip we spent a few days in Queensland, New Zealand moved on to Auckland, New Zealand then finished on the beaches in Fiji. Needless to say, when we vacation we like to mix it up. This baby moon was no exception.

We started in Copenhagen, Denmark (my best friend and her husband live there and have a 4 month old baby) then flew to Miami, Florida and finished on the beaches of Sanibel Island, Florida. I was originally hoping we could go back to St. John in the USVI where we got married, but Hubby wanted easier access to medical care in case something happened to the Woowoo or me while we were gone.

After a couple crazy busy weeks leading up to Friday afternoon we were finally packed and ready to go. Unfortunately we waited too long to get a car service and nothing was available. On a Friday afternoon. In the rain. When we each had a suitcase, computer bag and carry-on. We tried to grab a cab with no luck, so our only option was the subway. Me, 6 months preggo and Hubby with most of the luggage. I almost had a full on melt down when no one (I repeat no one) would help me down the subway stairs with my bags. I sometimes wonder what the hell is wrong with people? Do I need to start wearing a sign that says "I'm pregnant, can you please offer to help me?" But I digress...

We eventually made it to the airport, on the plane and arrived safely in Copenhagen. I was really worried about the long flight and my tendency to airplane swelling so I bought compression socks. Yes, the kind your 80-year old grandmother wears. I didn't care, I wanted to keep the cankles to a minimum. The socks, drinking gallons of water and having to get up and pee every hour definitely helped keep the swelling down. We were greeted at the airport by my friend, her husband (who was born and raised in Denmark) and their baby. It was so great to see all of them. This is the fourth time we've visited them in Denmark so we decided to keep things simple and low-key. Having a 6-month preggo and a 4-month old didn't really bode well for lots of touristy activities. We enjoyed lots of good company and good food with them and got to spend some quality time with their little peanut - it was good practice for what's ahead for us.

While the weather was gorgeous in Copenhagen, I was ready for some beach time, so on Tuesday morning Hubby and I headed back to the airport and flew down to Miami, FL. We had no plans other than to sit by the pool or on the beach and relax. Again I had some swelling from the plane ride, but a wonderful pedicure on Wednesday morning cured that:)

We left Miami Thursday morning and drove the 3 hours across the state to the gulf side and arrived at the cutest little resort on Sanibel Island. It was quiet and intimate yet had all the amenities we wanted (pool, beach, chairs, breakfast!!). We immediately threw on the bathing suits and went pool side. It was H-O-T but the pool was great. I could detail each of the remaining days for you, but they all blurred together because they pretty much consisted of breakfast, beach (lots of reading, some ocean time, some napping), lunch, pool, nap, dinner, bed. It was fantastic:)

Unfortunately we had to return to reality and got back home on Sunday afternoon. We had Monday off for Memorial Day, so it was a good day to get caught up on unpacking, laundry, groceries, etc. And then back to work on Tuesday.

The vacation already feels like it was months ago, but I'm so glad were able to take the time together to get away before everything changes (for the better!). Other than a minor reappearance by the fibroid pain while in Miami, it was a fantastic vacation.

My baby shower is in Ohio next weekend and then we're done traveling until the little man makes his appearance. I can't believe how quickly time is flying by!

I've posted a few baby moon/bump pics...enjoy.

Really? Really?

I've been out of town for the past 10 days on my babymoon. Today is my first day back at work and I was greeted with the comment "Wow, you've really blown up, haven't you?" This from the head of our HR department. How do you respond to that? I was completely taken aback and slightly offended (I say slightly because yes, my belly has gotten bigger, but nothing else). Do people really think it's appropriate to say things like that?!?! Argh...

I'll post soon about my super relaxing babymoon and share some updated pics.

Almost 24 week update

As usual I'm running in 25 different directions but wanted to post about my last doctor's appointment, although it was mostly uneventful (I say mostly because there was one measurement that has me a little worried, but I'll explain below in the "UPDATE").

Since I'm short on time I'm going to take the easy way out and use this format:

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 23 Weeks and 4 days 

Size of baby: He currently weighs 1lb, 6oz based on my last doctor's appointment on Monday.

Total Weight Gain: According to my home scale I'm up 13lbs - and the home scale is the only one I'm really paying attention to since I weigh myself every week at the same time on the same day.

Maternity Clothes: I'm about 90% maternity now. There are still two pair of jeans I can wear with the Bella Band but I'm quickly approaching the end of that. I will say the elastic waist is sooo much more comfortable!

Gender: One super-cute (yes, I'm biased) baby boy. He was in a good position at the last appointment and even the tech commented on his cute little nose when we were looking at the 4-D images:)

Movement: He is an active little wiggle worm. He seems to be most active in the early mornings, but I do feel him throughout the day. Yesterday I was able to see him from the outside for the first time. It was surreal!

Sleep: Not too bad these days. I finally caved and bought a "pregnancy pillow" and it has been wonderful. We're leaving for an 8-day vacation on Friday and I wish there was some way I could take the pillow. I'll sacrifice clean underwear for a good night's sleep anytime:)

What I miss: Sushi. Real sushi, not the faux shrimp sushi I have been making do with.

Cravings: Most of my cravings came in the first trimester and even then it wasn't anything that I didn't already eat. The one thing I haven't had since I was a kid and I simply HAD TO HAVE recently was pistachio pudding. It was heavenly!

Symptoms: I'm still having residual discomfort from the fibriods, but I think that's going to be my new "norm" for the remainder of the pregnancy so I've gotten used to it. I've also started to get some ankle swelling but not full blown cankles...yet.

Milestones:  I'm in an odd in-between period. Because of my vacation next week I had to change my 24-week appointment to a 23-week appointment so it's throwing off the milestones. For some reason, 24-weeks feels like a big number. And I know 28 weeks will be huge when I cross over to the third trimester. For now, I'm on auto-pilot.

UPDATE: Everything went well at my 23-week appointment on Monday, but there was one number that the doctor mentioned. She said it wasn't anything to worry about but the Woowoo's head circumference was on the very low side of normal while all his other numbers were on the high side. He's still in the breech position which can affect the head size. The doctor who reads the ultrasound results didn't even mention it and said the Woowoo was in the 65th percentile and looked good. I'm trying not to freak myself out about the low number, but I admit it's going to be a long 4 weeks until my next growth scan. Dr. Google hasn't been my friend and resulted in some scary findings, so I'm done with him for now. I'm not totally confident the tech took accurate measurements because she only measured 3 of my fibriods when I know there are 6 and the 3 she did measure grew?!?! That makes no sense. The immense pain I was in is a strong indicator that the fibriods have been shrinking, not growing. Anyway, these are the thoughts I'm using to try and keep myself sane and not going into a full blown panic meltdown (I admit I was on the verge yesterday, but feel better today). Regardless, I love my little Woowoo more than I thought I could and want to protect him from anything bad...ever!

Mother's Day Recap

For the past couple of years I've intentionally ignored Mother's Day. Primarily because I didn't need yet another reminder that I'd lost my mom, but more recently because I wasn't a mom myself...yet.

This year I'm physically different in a good way, but Mother's Day is still a painful reminder of how much I miss my mom, so my plan was treat it as any other typical Sunday...just business as usual. My well-intentioned family and friends didn't let that happen. I received lots of nice texts, cards, gifts, etc. with Happy Mommy-To-Be messages. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them, but mentally I wasn't quite ready to handle all of it.

I graciously accepted all the well-wishes, but it really made me look back and reflect on things. Primarily on how far I've come through the whole IF process (I chose to still ignore Mother's Day when relating to my mom). I realized just how painful it is for those trying for a baby (regardless if it's through natural methods, ART, adoption, etc.) to be surrounded by constant reminders of mommies for an entire day. My heart goes out to all those trying, and please know I was thinking about all of you!

The good and the bad

I had my follow-up ultrasound and doc appointment this morning. It's mostly good news with a little not-so-good sprinkled in to keep me on my toes.

The good news is the pain was caused by the fibroids and definitely not appendicitis or pre-term labor. The Woowoo also flipped himself over so he's head down now. It's still so early that it's not a big deal, but regardless I hope he stays that way!

The not-so-good news is that there are double the amount of fibroids than they originally counted. I now have 6 annoying fibroids hanging out on my uterus. Some of them are degenerating which is causing all the pain. The pain has subsided a lot, but is definitely still present. I asked the doctor what I can expect for the remainder of the pregnancy and he said there isn't a definite answer. He did say, most women experience the worst of it now through the next 2-4 weeks and then it should get better. Fabulous...right when Hubby and I are taking our babymoon.

The most important thing is that there is no harm to Woowoo, just pain for momma. But I'll deal with it knowing my baby is still growing big and strong in my belly:)

Thanks for all the thoughts!

An unexpected doctor's visit

I got to see my sweet boy again yesterday morning...unscheduled.

Over the weekend I had some general discomfort/pressure in my lower abdominal region, mostly on my right side. I didn't really think much of it and figured it was just more growing pains. I woke up for work Monday morning and all hell broke loose. I was in the shower doubled over in pain that was sharp, stabby and then would turn to constant and achy. Regardless of the type of pain, it was pain! Pain to the point I could barely walk.

I finished my shower, toweled off and hobbled into the bedroom where Hubby was just waking up. He sat bolt upright when he saw my face and I broke down in tears and simply said "I don't feel well." He was very calm and reassuring and asked what hurt, if I was spotting, and if I'd felt the baby. Thank God for his calm reaction. I was a basket case and on the brink of total meltdown at that point. He gently pointed out that it might be the fibriods causing the problems. I was so worried it was the Woowoo it never crossed my mind that it might be fibriods.

Anyway, I calmed down, got dressed and settled into the couch to wait for the docs office to open. As soon as I reached them I spoke to the midwife, told her what the problems were and she scheduled me to go in for a visit. One of the benefits of living 6 blocks from your OB/GYN is the ability to go in immediately. Within an hour I was explaining my symptoms to Dr. G (who I met for the first time and LOVED!). The first thing she did was have me lie back and turned on the sound on the ultrasound machine. I heard the tiny heartbeat and immediately started crying. I can usually keep it together better than that, but I was so scared for my Woowoo that I couldn't have controlled my emotions if I tried. She was so comforting and told me he looked great. He was kicking up a storm in my belly. Never in my life have those little kicks been so welcome!

After a lot of painful probing, prodding and poking Dr G. felt the pain was coming from one of the fibroids in the lower right area of my abdomen. But, she didn't rule out appendicitis. She consulted with Dr. R. and he agreed that it was most likely the fibroid. She gave me a pain medicine prescription (not harmful to the baby) and scheduled a follow-up for Thursday morning.

I went home mentally and emotionally exhausted, ate lunch, took my pain med and slept the rest of the afternoon. I'm back at work today, but still in quite a bit of pain. Somehow I'm able to deal with the pain knowing my sweet baby is OK and not at all affected by my fibroid. In fact, he's so unfazed by it that he keeps kicking me in that area!

I will say I am so, so thankful to be under the care of the doctors at my practice. They put me totally at ease and knew my biggest concern was making sure the baby was OK. It's nice to know I have doctors who care and "get it".

Now, if only the pain would go away...