• Will is doing great. We went for his 2-week checkup last week and he had surpassed his birth weight which was a huge relief given how much he lost because of the early dehydration and jaundice. Dr. L said we were doing great with him and the jaundice episode is completely behind us.
• Well, the jaundice episode might be behind us physically, but mentally it's left me totally gun shy. From day one I haven't been producing enough milk for Will, despite diligent pumping and every other trick in the book. So, we've been supplementing with formula at night and expressed breast milk during the day (I haven't been confident he would get enough from nursing. I'm more comfortable giving it to him in a bottle so I KNOW he's getting enough). It's exhausting to feed him a bottle of breast milk and then have to pump an hour later. Honestly, it leaves no time for anything.
• I mentioned all this to Dr. L and he said to nurse him the first two feeds in the morning when my supply is at it's highest. I've been trying that for a couple days now and it seems to be OK, although I'm still not confident he's getting enough at the second feed. But at least I know he can make up for it later in the day if he needs to through the bottle.
• I don't know how long I can keep up the nursing/pumping/formula scenario. I want him to get as much breast milk as he can (and I do enjoy the few nursing sessions we do have), but I also need to find a time balance. I'm feeling horribly guilty that I'm even thinking about stopping the nursing at 6 weeks. I can't help it. I feel like I'm failing my son, even though the rational side of me knows he really is thriving. Hubby has been incredibly supportive about whatever I want to do, which isn't helping me feel any less guilty...
• I've gotten more comfortable taking Will out of the apartment on my own. Hubby is back at work full time and we no longer have the baby nurse during the day (just a couple nights during the week which will end at the end of this week). It's always an accomplishment if I'm able to shower and brush my teeth before noon, and an even bigger accomplishment if we get out of the apartment. For the most part Will does great, unless it's close to feeding time. Then all hell breaks loose because when this guy is hungry you better feed him PRONTO!
• Will is a pretty gassy baby, but we're starting to distinguish his gassy cries from his other cries so we can act accordingly (rub his back, try to burp him again, use the gas drops if we get desperate, etc.). Other than the gas, he's generally a very happy baby.
• Even though I know it's likely just gas, I think I got the beginnings of a smile from him yesterday morning. It melted my heart and made me forget how tired I was. Who knew one little gassy smile would bring such pleasure?!?!
• Despite all the challenges, feelings of guilt, wondering if I'm doing this wrong and screwing my kid up for the rest of his life, he is 100% worth it!!!
Wow! You are down 22 pounds? Hope for me!!! I already ordered my pilates after pregnancy DVD and yoga after pregnancy DVD. I am sure my floppy stomach with take a few months to shrink.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear the baby is over his jaundice issue. I am sorry BFing is not 100 percent for you. I wish I knew more, but I don't. :(
Sounds like overall you're doing great. So glad Will is home and well. Feeding is the one thing that's been easy for us and I'm so grateful for that. Try putting him to the breast as often as possible even if it's just to comfort suck and maybe see if you can get a weight check in a week to see if he's getting enough during that second feed. (And feel free to tell me to shut up and ignore all if you don't want/need unsolicited advice.) I'm right with you on the soft and mushy but nowhere near 3 pounds to go. The smiles are amazing, when he full on grins, you'll love it.
ReplyDeleteSo so so so cute!!
ReplyDeleteGood for you dropping the weight like that and getting out and about with the little man. Sounds like you're doing tremendously well for only 3 weeks into this motherhood thing.
You sound like you are doing fab momma bear! Re: breastfeeding and pumping, my friends hubby said it best ... The baby is better off getting formula and having a well rested, happy mommy vs being breastfed with a harried, stressed out mommy. I desperately want P Offtheboob and on formula.she refuses a bottle tho, so imstuck until we can get her on one. BFing has been way more stressful,traumatizing and time consuming than expected. Next baby willbepurelyflrmula fed. I'm not doing this again.
ReplyDeleteOMG, thank you for this. I've been struggling with breastfeeding or bottle-feeding expressed milk since about, oh, day 5 of Henry's life. I'm still struggling, but am lucky that he'll switch between the bottle and the breast (with the help of a nipple shield). Two days ago, I decided to express and bottle feed, but the second time I did it, I sat there crying over my son.
ReplyDeleteWhich was dumb because he didn't care as long as he got food when he wanted it, but I'm still hella conflicted.
And now it's been an hour since the last feed, so hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to pump I go.... ;)
Will is absolutely adorable.