Hi ho, hi ho...it's off to Grandma's we go

It's crazy town around here. What else is new? I hate to do it, but this is going to have to be yet another bullet point post. Maybe I'll make a New Year's resolution to quit posting with bullet points!

• Will had his 4-month doc appointment yesterday. Everything went well, but we need to increase his bottle size a little. He weighed in at 13lbs. 8oz. (25th percentile) and 25" long (again, 25th percentile). We think the nurse shorted his length by at least a half inch, but oh well. Right now he takes about 28oz of formula a day, but we're going to increase that about 30oz and start him on solids at 5 months. He still spits up. All. The. Time. That makes it hard to give him larger bottles, but I want his spitting up to be a little more under control before we start the solids.

• He's still sleeping through the night (8:30pm-8am), but Hubby and I are waiting for the sleep regression. We expect it when he starts to cut his first tooth. Speaking of which, this kid drools like you wouldn't believe. His shirts are constantly wet and everything he can get his chubby little hands on goes in his mouth (yes, even though he doesn't weight a lot he has the cutest chubby hands ever). I can feel a hard spot on his lower left side, but don't see anything yet. We haven't noticed that he's in pain so I'm not too worried about it.

• Last week I started putting him down for naps unswaddled. That was a challenge. He would go down fine, but would wake after about a half hour and not be able to put himself back to sleep. There was a lot of calming, reassuring and crying last week during nap times, but we seem to be a little better this week. I'm sure things will get all off track again while we're at Grandma's, but such is life with a baby.

• Speaking of Grandma's, we're leaving tomorrow to drive to Hubby's parents in Ohio. With feeding stops, we expect it to be about a 9 hour drive. Will has never been in a car longer than 2 hours so we'll how this goes. Fortunately, he doesn't mind his car seat and he's at the age where he can look at/grab toys hanging in front of him. I'm hoping that will occupy him while he's awake.

• We have a lot planned for the week we'll be in Ohio, but I think I'm most excited to take Will to see Santa. Obviously he won't care, but it was always a tradition I loved as a child and I want to make it a tradition for Will as well.

• In non-Will related news, I quit my job last week. Officially I resigned as a full time employee, but I am still working for them as a freelance/contract employee. I'm hoping this will allow me a more flexible schedule. We'll still have the nanny full time so I can be available for work whenever they need me. The crazy thing is, an hour after I resigned they were calling me with a project, so I've been working a little bit over the past week. It's actually kind of nice to get my brain into work mode. It was starting to get a little mushy from "mommy-brain".

• That's it from Fairytale land. I hope everyone has a very happy holiday season and I'll see you in 2012 (unless I have a free minute or two while in Ohio to put up a quick post).

Will has become such a smiley baby...I love it!

Airplanes, nannies and turkeys...oh my!

Whew, I need to stop and take a breath. Life in the Fairytale household has been on overdrive lately. So, let me back up a little...

We survived the trip to Ohio, but it wasn't the easiest adventure ever. Will decided not to nap the morning we were set to leave for the airport. Of course, he finally fell asleep as we were standing in the security line and I had to wake him up to go through security. Fortunately, everyone was very helpful and tolerant of my fumbling with a baby, stroller, luggage, etc.

I was warned that most babies have trouble with take off and landing because of the pressure in their ears. Will ate just before we boarded the plane (the boy has his schedule down to the minute and there is no holding him off when he's hungry!), so feeding him during takeoff wasn't an option. I had a paci ready though. He fell asleep as soon as we started to taxi and woke up after we were in the air. I thought I was in the clear, but no. An overtired baby who isn't used to sleeping in his mommy's arms makes for a VERY LONG 45 minute flight. Again my son defied the odds and finally fell asleep as we were landing. Figures.

Remember what I said about not being able to hold him off when he's hungry. Yeah, that came to bite me in the ass once we landed. As we were taxing to the gate it was time for him to eat again. I had planned to get us off the plane, get our luggage and then feed him before we left the airport. He didn't get that memo and proceeded to let everyone in the terminal know this by screaming from the time we got off the plane until I could get our luggage and I could put a bottle in his mouth. Yes. I was that mom in the airport. You know the one. With the screaming child that people either pity or can't get away from fast enough. I just kept my head down and refused to make eye contact with anyone, the whole time cursing Hubby for not being with me.

Despite our misadventures getting to Ohio we had a great time and Will charmed everyone he met. He's very much looking forward to his return trip at Christmas. The flight back was a little bit easier, but only because Hubby was with me. Will still wasn't the happiest of travelers, but at least there wasn't any screaming.

So, I'm planning to go back to work at the beginning of January (trying to work out a flex arrangement with my company but that's a saga for another post). Hubby and I decided to get a nanny as opposed to using daycare. There really aren't a lot of daycare options on the upper east side of NY because so many people opt for nannies, so we didn't have much of a choice. It wasn't easy trying to choose the person to spend more awake hours with your child than you will, but in the end we're both very happy with our choice. She's actually starting tomorrow and going to spend the week with us to get acquainted with Will, his schedule and how I like to do things. Then she's going on vacation for a few weeks and she'll be back with us full-time in early January.

Because we were in Ohio the weekend before Thanksgiving, Hubby and I decided to spend our first Thanksgiving as a family in NYC. It was such a wonderful weekend. We walked over to the west side and watched some of the big parade until Will decided he had enough. I spent most of the afternoon cooking my first turkey and we had a couple friends over for dinner. It was definitely a day to be thankful for!

The craziness that my life has become is going to continue for the next couple of weeks so I will apologize now for a lack of postings and comments on all your blogs. Rest assured, I am reading your posts and always want to comment, but rarely have the time. I guess this is when I'm pulling my "it's the thought that counts" card!

Mommy's little turkey :)

Enjoying a gorgeous Thanksgiving morning watching the parade in NYC!

 

 

I missed my anniversary?!?!

Somehow I missed my 1-year blogoversary. Actually, I know how...I've been consumed with a baby!

Happy Belated Blogoversary to me:) It was last Friday, November 11.

Things in Fairytale Land have been happening so fast, but have been good. Will turned 12 weeks old on Sunday! He's over 12lbs now and I can definitely feel it in my arms. He's giving me some guns!

The smiles and baby talking are nonstop now - at least they are for Hubby and I, but Will gets a little shy around new people. He loves to lay on his changing table and smile and "talk" to me about his day. He isn't grabbing any toys yet but he loves to play with his hands and put them into his mouth.

Last night was a new record. He slept from 8:30pm until 7:30am. (We didn't do anything special, Will has done this on his own!) I kept checking on him because I was convinced something was wrong. Hubby and I are preparing for the sleep regression we keep hearing about between 3-4 months. Until it happens though, we're going to try and enjoy these blissful nights!

I officially stopped nursing and pumping on Sunday. We had a great last nursing session, he was very calm and happy. I'm still sad about it, but it was time. I really couldn't take the pumping anymore. Given my horrible nursing start, I'm happy to have gone as long as I did. Monday morning Will kept searching for my boob but after half his bottle he gave up on the boob and focused on the bottle. Today was better, no boob searching, just eating.

We're leaving Thursday for Will's first flight to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Ohio. Unfortunately, Hubby can't fly home with us, he's going to meet us on Friday which means I'm going to be navigating the airport with an (almost) 3-month old on his first flight. The stress of it has given me a headache the last couple of days. I know we'll be fine, but I don't want to be "that mom" with the screaming baby on the plane. Wish us luck!

I'm still in discussions with my company to try and work out a reduced work schedule. And we're in the process of interviewing nannies. And with the upcoming holidays, it's no wonder the time is flying by!

Two months: The good and the bad

I really, really need to get more consistent with blogging...sorry for yet another bulleted list post.

• Will turned two months old on Friday. We went to the doctor on Thursday for his checkup and first round of vaccines. He's right on target, weighing 11lbs. 1oz and 23.5" long. He did pretty well with the vaccines but was very tired and fussy the rest of the day and all day Friday. Poor little guy.

• I'm getting consistent smiles and coos from him which is awesome. They are the most abundant in the morning or right after he has really stinky farts (and let me tell you, this boy can fart!).

• He's starting to intentionally put his hands in his mouth. It's hilarious because when he gets them in there he sucks with such passion I'm surprised he hasn't hurt himself. It's so loud Hubby heard it two rooms away the other day! And he likes to double fist. I guess he takes after his Daddy during his college years.

• The sleeping is still a work in progress, but we seem to be down to one night time feeding around 3-4am. At his age, I'm not complaining! I know how lucky we are that he's a good sleeper. I keep waiting for something to happen that will blow up this good thing we have going on. I know I should just relax and enjoy the fact that my 9-week old baby can sleep for 12 hours and only wake once, but I can't. I want to enjoy it, but how do I retrain my brain to not expect the worst?!?!

• I'm still pumping and nursing him once in the morning. I'm becoming very resentful of the damn pump, but loving the morning time with my little man. I don't want to stop nursing him, but for my own sanity I'm going to start weaning him at 10 weeks. It's so bittersweet because we're pros with the nursing but the damn pump is my nemesis. I can't get rid of the guilt either. I've tried to come to terms with my sucky situation of a low supply, but I still feel like I've failed him in some way. Even though I know I haven't.

• I love routine. I like to know when things are going to happen and get a little flustered when my routine gets derailed. I thought having a newborn would fit right into my love of routine, but it doesn't, at least not in the way I was used to having a routine. Yes, there is a routine. Yes, I generally know how things are going to play out, but OH MY GOD is it monotonous. I never knew my life would be subdivided into 3-4 hour segments like this. Why don't people tell you this? Or did they tell me and I didn't pay attention?

• In general I know we've gotten extremely lucky with Will. He's usually a very happy, content and sweet baby. Sure he has his fussy days and days when I can't do anything right by him, but what baby doesn't? All of my issues with motherhood are my own issues. The guilt over the breastfeeding, the resentment towards Will for making my days so boring sometimes, the feelings that I'm doing something wrong that is going to screw him up for life, the general feeling of inadequacy as a mother that I feel. I'm a perfectionist and I think that is playing a huge part in how I feel. I can only control so much when it comes to a baby and that is hard for me to wrap my head around at times. As time passes I'm getting better about cutting myself some slack, but there is always going to be a part of me that wonders "am I REALLY doing the best I can for my son?"

• Despite my crazy feelings, I really do grow more in love with Will everyday. With this face, how could I not?!?!

Our version of sleep training

"Does your baby sleep through the night yet?"

This seems to be the question of the day and it's one I get asked all the time about Will. My answer, no but we're working on it. Here's how we're working on it (nothing scientific here, this is all trial and error and honestly we really have no clue what the hell we're doing!)...

Will has always been a fairly good sleeper, especially at night. He generally goes to bed without a fight and only wakes to eat then goes back to sleep (the daytime is a different story I'll save for another post).

From the time the baby nurse started, when Will was 1 week old, we put him on a bedtime routine. We start with a warm bath, then give him a little baby massage, a clean diaper with his bottom slathered in diaper rash cream (we try to limit night time diaper changes so the diaper rash cream has been important), jammies and his night time feeding. When we feed him this night time bottle we dim the lights, put the TV on mute and play soothing music to "set the mood" for sleep. Regardless how much or how often he feeds at night, we always start with this routine.

After doing a little research online (again I resorted to Dr. Goo.gle), we decided to give cluster feeding a try. Will's bedtime feeding is at 8pm so we started giving him a feed at 6pm to "fill his tank" before he went to sleep. This worked OK and bought us an extra 30-45 minutes, so we thought we would add a dreamfeed as well (yes, both at the same time). Hubby would get Will up at 10pm and feed him again. Will was usually coherent enough to take a bottle but not awake. Again, this only bought us about an extra 30 minutes. We were doing both of these techniques together for 3-4 days.

We realized with the extra dreamfeed, Will was getting way too much to eat in one day causing him to spit up a lot more than usual. We cut out the dreamfeed and it made no difference to Will, he still slept the extra 30 minutes or so. Apparently it worked since we got a little more sleep time from him and had no adverse reaction when we stopped it.

We kept the cluster feed for an addition 4 days or so after stopping the dreamfeed but eventually eliminated it after realizing it wasn't doing anything additional for us after the initial 30-45 minutes extra we got.

So what does this all mean? Well, for Will it seems that these two techniques got him (and us) and little extra sleep but it's a slow process and I think as he gets older he'll naturally stretch out his sleeping times. The one other thing we've done is stretch his daytime feedings a little. Instead of feeding him every 3 hours we usually go between 3.5 and 4.5 depending on his naps. He's getting used to going a little longer between feedings and that seems to help at night.

We're moving him from the bassinet in our bedroom to his crib in the next week or so, and we're hoping once he's settled into his crib we can start to work on eliminating the 5am feeding. I think we're going to try a dreamfeed scenario at 5am and see if we can make that work for us again. Who knows?!?!

I wish I had a magic answer for getting Will to sleep well at night, but I don't. It's just been lots of trial and error with some rough nights thrown into the mix. But to anyone looking for answers to sleeping longer at night I suggest you try either cluster feeding or dreamfeeding or a combination of both. And make sure the baby is getting enough food during the day as well as enough day time sleep (but not too much day time sleep!).

7 weeks...where has the time gone?

Despite my lack of posting I'm still here, but can't believe Will is 7 weeks old today. I have no clue where the time has gone. I seem to be busy all the time but really can't pinpoint what I've done other than feed, change and cuddle my little guy.

He's growing and changing like crazy. By my estimation (and crappy digital home scale), he weighs a little over 10lbs now. He's outgrown most of his newborn clothes and almost fits into the 3 month clothes. He's definitely longer than he is wide, but he has the cutest pudgy thighs.

We're working on getting him down to one feeding at night. He typically sleeps from 8:30pm-8am with two feeds. Hubby does one feed and I do the other. If we can get him down to one feed I think it will mean more sleep for all of us. We're getting close...

The past couple of days he's given me some real smiles. Not gas smiles or fake smiles, but real gummy, toothless smiles. I get them the most in the morning after I nurse him. Sometimes he'll hiccup and think its funny so he'll let out a little squeal and smile so big I can't help but smile right back at him. It melts my heart every time.

The breastfeeding is the same story, different day. I nurse him in the morning and pump during the day. He's still getting 10-12oz of breast milk a day and the rest formula. I'm probably going to start weaning in early November. Honestly, I never I thought I would make it that long given my low supply so I'm ecstatic he'll be getting breast milk for over 2 months. But the guilt? Yeah, it's still there. Now it's guilt over wanting to stop when we seem to be in a routine that works. It's the pumping that is purely exhausting to me. I need to figure out a way to be 100% ok with weaning before I do it. I don't want any regrets.

This motherhood thing is still really hard. It's very monotonous and often really lonely and isolating, despite my best efforts to get out of the apartment every day and meet some other new moms. I know it will get better, but these early weeks are much more of a challenge than I expected. Maybe I need to try and blog a little more consistently...at least this gives me a place to vent without sounding like a horrible mother!

To end on a bright note, here is a recent picture of Will making his fish-face at me.

One month old

Mr. William was one month old yesterday! My little man is getting so big! We had his one-month doctor appointment this morning and he's up to 9lbs and is 21.5" long (he's definitely longer than he is wide). He got one shot but handled it like a champ. The doctor said everything looked great, the only thing he said is we could increase Will's feeding amounts if he would take more. Other than that, we're right on target (whew, I still get nervous after the jaundice issue).

We went through a period last week where he didn't want to sleep during the day, but was still sleeping at night. It had me completely stressed out by the end of the day to the point that he and I were both in tears. Thankfully, Hubby and I were able to get him back to his routine over the weekend and we're doing much better this week (although the general exhaustion is overwhelming!). Will still has a couple periods during the day where he doesn't sleep, but he's content just hanging out, being read to, going for a walk, etc.

Monday was our first "new mom's group" which was great. It's run by the same woman I went to for an "expectant mom's group" while I was pregnant. It was comforting to hear some of the things other moms are going through and realizing that all the crazy things I'm feeling, the irrational fears, the self-doubt, all of it is normal. I've been scared to put Will in the Baby Bj.orn because I thought he was too little, but there was another mom there who had her son in it and he's the same age as Will. It gave me a boost of confidence to at least open the package. Granted, I haven't tried it yet, but I'm getting closer than I was a week ago...baby steps.

I'm still have milk supply issues, but we've seemed to settle into a pattern that is working for us. It's still exhausting and time consuming, but I feel less guilty now than I did a couple weeks ago. I nurse Will when he first wakes up in the morning, then I nurse him a second time in the morning. After that I wait a couple of hours and pump. The next feeding is expressed milk in a bottle, I pump again and give him another bottle of expressed milk (if I have enough, some days I don't). By this point we're getting ready for his bedtime feedings which always switch over to formula. I pump once more before I go to bed and we use formula for the remainder of his nighttime feedings. So he's getting about 50/50 right now. As we increase his feeding amounts, he'll be getting more formula but that's OK. I'm giving him as much breast milk as I can. I'll be OK with that if I can continue this routine until 6 weeks. We'll see...

Other than the daytime sleeping issues we had, my little man is such a joy. He is so curious and loves to look around and take everything in. He gets a baby massage every night after his bath and he LOVES it, especially having his little legs and back massaged. I can't stop kissing and "eating" his chubby little cheeks and his double chins. I'm starting to getting little half smiles from him in the mornings and hearing sounds that aren't cries or farts...they're really baby gurgles/giggles:)

Slowly, very slowly, and with the help of Hubby, I'm starting to get the hang of this thing and feel more comfortable and more confident in myself as a mommy.

Will - one month old